Put yourself...Last?

Threats to marriage. What isn't a threat to marriage nowadays? You can let anything be a threat to marriage if you have that mindset. Positive sentiment override is something that is incredibly important to marriage. Having that solid foundation of good memories and good things to fall back on in times that you are struggling can be a life (or a marriage) saver. 

The strongest marriages I know are laced with positive sentiment override. A little fight? No problem, they know that it might have just been a bad day at the office or home with the kids and it doesn't make them fall off the happy marriage wagon. They give each other a little space and talk about things when they have both calmed down enough to be able to discuss things calmly and rationally. 

Friendship is the same way. When Gottman says that the best marriages are strong friendships, he is saying that you have to treat your spouse like you would a beloved friend. You work harder to control your temper and keep things on even ground when it comes to friendships. You are more careful to keep the other partner happy. You are more selfless. 

That's what marriage really is isn't it? Being selfless? Selfishness is the ultimate threat to marriage. Putting yourself before your partner is the thing that is going to make you drift apart faster than anything else. That's scary, because it is natural for most of us to be selfish. Marriage requires you to put that aside and put someone else first. It is the ultimate example of "putting off the natural man." We have all been asked to put the natural man off. To keep it at bay and be more like a child. Submissive, meek, and humble. Wont these qualities keep a marriage happy? If both parties are more like little children? 

If we know that, then why do we struggle so bad to do it? Why is it so easy for us to instantly be selfish when your husband asks you what you want for dinner, and you say sushi even though you know he hates sushi? Or to take more of the covers when you know that maybe he wants some too? What are the ways we can continually put off the natural man, and how do we make it more of a habit?